You are royalty.

This entry has been long awaited by many of you,  while others will read it and not think anything of it. Either way I hope to make some sort of impact in someone’s life over the course of my life; not only because of this entry but because of things I want to pass on from what I’ve learned. As mentioned this entry is way past due and almost a month ago I was in San Antonio trying to overcome the biggest setback in my life (possibly, only time can tell if I will be set back again. I have faith that I won’t but anything is possible. I just need to be prepared). I was sort of busy looking forward not worried about what I was gonna do about it. I was in San Antonio for a church conference that really changed my life and view on so many things going on in it. It was called Daddy’z Girls and to be honest I had no idea what it was going to entail. I knew it would be something good because like house the Joshua House of Worship never lets me down. But I was going to be the photographer and also to partake in some ministry.  From the first night to the end I really felt something inside that was just so powerful. There were messages coming at me left and right and at some points I felt like I was the only person in the room, the lights were shining directly at me, and the speakers were speaking specifically to me.

When I described it to many different people they saw it as a “girl power” thing but it was more than that. It was teaching us self respect, self worth, self everything.  So many girls really just opened up and it was really empowering, motivational but also very emotional. I was surprised to see how many women shared similar stories. It touched me in a way that really made me want to hug everyone that had such horrible experiences. So I want to touch a whole lot on this subject but right now this post really was for one main reason. So I’ll have to get back to the subject in a different entry.

So recently (about 2 weeks ago maybe) a friend of mine called me and told me some really horrible news about her husband. I was upset and needless to say I wanted to go get her and take her away from it all because I have known her for quite some time and I know she has been through so much. I won’t touch on the subject because it really upsets but also because it is not my story to tell. But I will say that it made me think about the conference a lot and what I was taught. Now for her it’s different because she is married and when it comes to something as serious as marriage, simply divorcing is really not someone’s first option, at least for me it won’t be.  How much is too much? When is it okay for two married individuals to call it quits? Do you stick around to work things out and if so for how long? Marriage is a complicated issue for and it’s probably a reason why I am not married. I’d rather not go through the heartache of having the big wedding and it be all for nothing because of some issue that arose during the marriage itself.

The bible teaches us that God has someone for us here on earth. I really do believe that two people are meant to be together and if you let nature take its course you will find them. But you can’t say that person will be perfect. Problems will arise and you could face many obstacles. I think if it’s a strong couple they will work out it together. Sometimes it doesn’t work out, who knows the situation. All I am saying is this; if a man truly loves you, he will never put you in harm’s way. I don’t care if I said “For better or for worse” I don’t think I would ever stick around and let someone treat me like crap. I’ve been there and I can’t say it was years ago because it was months ago that I got out of my relationship and I’m still learning. More than likely I might come across another guy who tries to take me for granted and mistreat me. The important thing is to know when is when. I come from a line of women who stick around and “deal” with it and never realize how deeper into a whole they are getting themselves in to. Luckily, I have met someone people with so much wisdom to teach me right from wrong. Though they won’t be there to hold my hand every step of the way, they lead by example and I would love to one day be the same kind of person. It was because of the Daddy’z Girls conference, because of my good friend’s story, and because of my past that I take a stand. Ladies! We cannot let anyone treat us like we are garbage. Look yourself in the mirror and get to know yourself worth. You have no idea what you have to offer until you truly find yourself and believe in yourself. Sometimes we get down because of media and even our own families and we think it has to be a certain way. You have to believe you are worth more than anything in this world, and you deserve nothing but the best. During this conference we were taught to treat ourselves like royalty. Expect nothing but the best because you deserve it. No man,  no woman ever deserves to be treated horribly.

I am in no way condoning divorce because I do believe in “for better or for worse” but you also have know how much is enough and just walk away. It may be the hardest thing you ever have to do but believe me; things will pay off in the end.

FIN.

Day 3

What Drives Your Life?

“Everyone’s life is driven by something”

I couldnt have said it better myself. Otherwise what are we here for? I say this with caution because sometimes certain people are here for the wrong reasons and they let evil take the wheel and steer. This chapter talks about people who are driven by guilt, fear, resentment and anger, materialism, and the need for approval. Ill admit at one point in time I was driven by one of these things and sometimes by all of them at once. Sometimes I still am driven by fear, anger, and guilt. However, I know I am human and I have learned not to let them keep controlling my life.

In reading the book, something was brought to my attention. A friend of mine who is also reading the book wrote notes for himself on the side of the pages. When it gets into talking about fear driven people he circled the quote which read, “Fear-driven people often miss out on great oppurtunities” and said it was for me. I was sort of dissapointed because currently in my life I have choosen to walk away from a relationship. That is the hardest thing for me to do. Not only because I love him but because he is the father to my child. That to me is the greatest opportunity and I am not passing it up. I admit that our relationship ended many times in the past and I never left because I was driven by fear. The one time that I actually muster up the courage to move on, I get called out on it.

That is what I really like about this chapter because it talks about all the things people are driven by and I can recall atleast one time that I was driven by each of these things. It allowed me to see things that I never was able to see. Sometimes we are clouded by these things that drive us, whatever they may be. I think its really important to open up our eyes and our hearts and let ourselves be free. Free to do things for us and for our Lord. Nobody realizes that when you let God drive, he never ever leads down the wrong path. While the road does get bumpy, with him there are never shortcuts or deadends.

The chapter says it best when it says that your life makes the most sense once you realize your purpose. I strongly believe that, because then you realize you have EVERYTHING to live for. It also makes life easier because then you are not constantly stressing over what to do next. Just like God has a plan for us you should have plans for youself until your journey to the great beyond.

So, with all that said; Point to Ponder: Living on purpose is the path to peace.
Peace is only way we should be living.

Verse to Remember: “Your lord, give perfect peace to those who keep their purpose firm and put their trust in you.”
-Isaiah 26:3
Question to Consider: What would my family and friends say is the driving force of my life? What do I want it to be?

I think that now they would agree that my son is my driving force. He is my precious gift from God and I would do anything for him. Id like for it to stay that way but mostly I want to be much more closer to God because I want him to guide and drive my life, for the rest of it!

Day 2

As some of you may know I have been a way for some time. Many things sort of kept me away from blogging and it wasn’t until I realized that those things also kept me away from my Lord. I was very selfish over the last few weeks and only thought about myself. I stopped putting my faith in God. I gave my book to a friend and I am proud to say that he has been reading it. He has many questions, but Lord, he has been reading. I saw this book and it reminded me of where I needed to be. So now I continure with my journey. Once again I will say that it will take me longer than 40 days but I know I will get there.

Day 2

You Are Not an Accident

“God doesnt play dice”
-Albert Einstein

I read this and at first I thought it was going to be hard for me to take in because for the last 25 years of my life I never walked this earth thinking I was a mistake or an accident. I did read this chapter and it sort of gave me a chill. It takes about one’s like having purpose and that everything is for a reason. I have been faced with this sort of “Determinism” as one would call it, and had been questioning it. Determinism says that everything is put into place at a particular time and for a particular reason, or something along those lines. It simply says that there is a purpose or reason for everything. For a long a time I always thought everything happened because it was by chance just a coincedence. This chapter explains the complete opposite and it makes so much sense. To think I was here because of chance is hard to believe. I can say I am a little lost and sometimes Im not sure why I am here but never that I was an accident..

What I enjoyed most about this chapter is that it ties in a bit of science. We all know the battle between science and religion these days. But it says, “the universe…it is uniquely suited for our existence, custom made with the exact specifications that make human life.” You know, some would argue that all that can be explained by science. Which is true, it can be, but either way we are here for a reason and maybe science can explain it but did anyone think that perhaps God created science to help us better explain things like our existence.? It is definately something to ponder and I refuse to believe that this Earth and all the beautiful creatures were just thought up out of thin air.

I’ll end on the best quote in this chapter and just meditate on it because I think it is so true

“Love is the essence of God’s character”

POINT TO PONDER: I am not an accident

VERSE TO REMEMBER: “I am your creator, You were in my care even before you were born.”
-Isaiah 44:2
QUESTION TO CONSIDER: I know that God uniquely created me. What areas of my personality, background, and physical appearance am I struggling to accept.

For me it has always been hard for me to accept that I am me. Sometimes I want to be someone or something else because I think it will make me happier. I wish for better things because I think those things will make happier and I wish I looked different because then more people might accept me. In short, I sometimes have low self esteem and it comes from not being able to accept me for myself. It can hard for me to see the beauty that lies inside.

My 40 day Journey (Day 1)

It all starts with God.
“Unless you assume a God, the question of life’s purposes is meaningless”
-Bertand Rusell, atheist

In this first chapter I was really surprised by what I read. However, it makes perfect sense. Life has never been about me as a person. It should be about God because he does so much for us, why wouldn’t we dedicate out lives to him? This is not to be confused with what I think I wanted to do before reading and clearly understanding this chapter. “Many people try to use God for their own self-actualization.” Sometimes we look to God and ask him to tell us who we are but what we don’t realize is that all have to do is look to him. He is us and within us and everything that happens is because he wanted it to be that way. It doesn’t matter what the situation, good, bad, happy, or sad that is the way it should be. While you do many things through Christ you have to be able to understand your purpose.

So at the end of each chapter you are given a point to ponder, verse to remember, and a question to consider.

Point to Ponder: It’s not about me.

It should never be about you. God teaches us about love and love is never selfish and that is why it should never be about just you.

Verse: “Everything got started in him and finds its purpose in him.” Colossians 1:16

Question to Consider: “In spite of all the advertising around me, how can I remind myself that life is really about living for God, not about myself?”

Here is what I think. As cheesy as it may sound, and I know you have heard it on more than one occasion, don’t ever remember where you came from. We always here that when let things get to our head and so people tell us “don’t forget where you came from”. It makes perfect sense to keep that in mind when we are around all the glam and glitter. I want to be a world renown photographer and while that may not lead to riches and expensive things, I think that the path I take to get there I should always keep God in my heart and remember that when I get there always, always give him praise and thanks for leading you in that direction because he wanted that for you. So to answer this question more clearly, in order to be true to ourselves and not be distracted but advertising, keep God in your heart and always turn to him in doubt. He is constantly reminding us that he is there for us.

OneLove

Can I lose him?

Someone should write a book that tells you how to get rid of a “baby daddy” in ten days. I can’t tell how frustrating this whole separation has been. I’m dumbfounded at how stupid he can be but more so how stupid he can be.  Most recently, he had the nerve to ask me if I would be willing to break my lease to live with him in this house he found. I was with him when he went to see it (it’s a long story) and basically he could afford it but won’t have much room for spending money after all bills are paid. So that was why he was asking me to come on alone. The best part was when he told me we didn’t have to be together, I could be his roommate. He really just wanted someone there for his kids. You want to know the funny part? I actually thought about it! I don’t understand this guy. I mean one of the reasons why I left was because I was tired of being his babysitter. That’s what it felt like 95% of the time. He was only home when it was convenient for him. I finally came to my senses and told him no because otherwise what was the point of separating. Other things like him lying about stupid little things have been pissing me off so much. It’s not that I care that Juan is seeing/fucking/dating/spooning someone else, it’s that I want him to tell me because of the one request I had. I don’t want Jakob near that person whatsoever. If he can’t be honest with something like that, how can I trust him with anything else? I don’t want to go into details about the whole thing but I had to pick him up from work and so he was acting really weird about things. He drops me off at my apartment and before we get there the car was overheating. I told him he was welcome to stay until it cooled down but he refused. He left but ended up coming back because the car went crazy on him. He came in to use the bathroom but said he was going to go the store for some ciggs. I knew by then he wasn’t coming back. He did call to let me know he wasn’t coming back and so I left it at that. I called him back because I told him I was going to need the money I put in gas back because I needed to pay some bills and I wasn’t supposed to put gas in the car. I had done him the favor because I used the car too that day.  When I had called him back he didn’t answer and never really answered the three other times I called him back. At 5 am his mom came knocking on the door asking if I could take care of Andrew because she had to work. I was half asleep so I assumed it was Monday morning and told her I had class at 9am. She asked if Juan was at my apartment and I told her no, so I knew he didn’t go home. When I finally came to, I realized it was Sunday and tried to call her back to tell her that he could stay but by then she was calling the mom. I didn’t talk to Juan until about 2pm that day and I asked where he was. Okay he said it was none of my business and he is absolutely right but because of how the situation went down, and because I knew he had marijuana on him, it matters to me what he did. If he is going to start doing that shit again, guess what, I don’t want him near my son. That’s why it matters and that’s why I gave him the 3^rd degree. He thinks I have this jealousy issue with him. Im thinking, “For real man?” I don’t think so! Not anymore I don’t and I refuse to waste my time on crap like that. I was so upset that I told him I just wanted him to stay away. I don’t want to see him! I really don’t, even if it means him not seeing Jakob. My heart just tells me he is never going to change and I don’t want him to hurt Jakob like he hurt me. I know all the times he let his kids down and I don’t want that for Jakob. I even went as far as telling Juan that I was going to get a restraining order on him. He says IM doing it all on emotion, and more than likely I am. But I’m being serious when I say, I don’t want to see him.

So right now, I guess I’m just asking for some advice/opinions. I know for some it’s hard because you don’t know the entire story, but maybe you can give some words of advice.

Mom Stuff

Time has been flying faster than I could have imagined. It’s been so crazy and now I’m getting the feel for what it is to be a mom. I mean I am busy 24/7! Before I used to complain about not getting things done for odd reasons and most of the time it was sheer laziness. Now I don’t get things done because of the baby. He such a crazy little guy but each day has been something different with him. He is now 7 months old and trying to crawl. Keyword being “trying” but it’s just the cutest thing and after talking to several people, I’m convinced I don’t want him to crawl just yet. One friend said, and I quote, “Danielle, you don’t want him to crawl he is gonna be all in your shit and everything”, while another friend of mine said that after they crawl they tend to not want to be in your arms anymore because they just want to explore.

If you give a kid a jar of food

Making Messes

You know I never thought I would see the day that I’d have a child and he’d be learning to crawl. If there is anything I have learned it’s that time truly does fly and there are not enough hours in the day to spend with your kid. As matter of fact I have been feeling rather guilty these days. All I do is work and or go to school and I feel like I don’t spend enough time with him. I always wonder if he senses that and then will experience separation anxiety. I thought that he was going through that one day that he was in the living room and I was in the kitchen putting away groceries. After he realized I wasn’t in the same room he started crying and when I would walk back he would start smiling.  I don’t know if he just doesn’t like being alone or what but it broke my heart.  So now my main goal is to just finish school and get this little business of mine going. This stuff is a lot harder than I thought but that’s another entry.

Jakob is doing lots of things as of late. Along with attempting to crawl, he’s been pulling himself up onto things and trying to stand. It’s amazing how the kid has a fear of crawling but standing is no biggie to him.  He also has been eating more jar foods which show me a lot of what he likes and dislikes. He hates sippie cups but can drink of a regular just fine. He totally won’t hold his bottle which I wish he really would! My all time fave is that he growls and screams on cue. It is just the cutest thing I have ever heard.  Him and I spent time at the Austin Children’s Museum and it was loads of fun. I don’t think its ideal for kids his age but there were a few things for him to engage in. We went on the bus and I’m more than sure his little mind was stimulated by the sights and sounds!

Old School Tub

 

In the lilly pad section of ACM

 

Huge Tree Little Guy

My little construction worker

Hey! Where is Jakob!

Im sleepy!

In about two weeks I’ll be in my own place and I have no idea how I am going to get Jakob to the babysitter and back home. I really don’t have my own car and I don’t think that I can even afford one at the moment but this too is also for another entry, you know fears and such. Lots of things have really been going on and change is soon to come. I think that for what it’s worth I’m really proud that I’ve stuck it out.

Anyway if I could cut this blog into pieces and rearrange the letters to make once sentence I’d say:

“Life is hard, being a mom is crazy, but it’s all worth it and I wouldn’t change it if you paid me!”

He likes to go out

Two against the world

It’s been about two weeks since my relationship has ended but I don’t think it will officially be over until I finally get out of this apartment and into my own place. That is what has made it all the more harder for me. I finally told Juan that I didn’t feel like it would be wise for this relationship to continue. Something had happened the day before but that wasn’t the main reason. Little things like that pretty much have been building up over the past 6 years; that and I just wasn’t sure anymore if this relationship is what I really want. All things aside I was always willing to stay by his side. I love him at all costs and I had stayed with him for this long but something made me second guess my relationship and so I thought it wise to just stop it right there before it kept going. I leave for a weekend and Juan did a complete 360 on me. The apartment was clean, he had made dinner, he was happy to see me, all those things that should have been done before our relationship turned to crap. I have to be honest, it felt good but I kept telling myself not to give in. For as long as I could remember, I have always told Juan to get out only to find myself standing in front of the door begging him not to go. I knew I couldn’t play those games anymore and I had to make it clear that while I appreciated his gestures, my mind was made up. I was so upset because the next day I had given into temptation. I felt horrible because I didn’t want to lead him on but all the while I had no idea that while hurting him, I was also hurting myself. I would be crazy and lying if I said I didn’t still love him. I do, with all my heart. But I came to realize that he will always be in my heart. He is honestly the first person I can say I fell deeply in love with, he is the father to my child, and he has been there for me through lots. But I was beginning to wonder if he was all I knew of love. If that was the case then my idea of love is very distorted. While Juan is a good person, he knew which buttons of mine to press and always managed to hurt me in the worst ways. Don’t get wrong, I won’t paint this picture as me being the victim, I had my fair share of bitchy days and I knew when and where to cut and how deep.

We are now in the present and I can’t tell you how upset I am. I told Juan two weeks ago it was time to move on and that I would be getting my own place. It was just the other night that I cracked and admitted that I didn’t want our relationship to end. I told him I loved him dearly but when he asked me why and I had no answer I knew something was wrong. He told me I should think about it and to be honest I have thought about it but I can’t even think about a reason that goes beyond “You’re good to me.” Funny thing is, when I said that to him, he admitted that he hadn’t been. So all the while I had been thinking about things and nothing was really coming to mind. Meanwhile, I asked him what his plans were, what his living situation would be. I only asked because if he planned on going back to his mom’s it meant him having to change the kid’s school. When I started talking to him he flat out tells me that he was hoping that I’d change my mind and that he hadn’t really about stuff like that because he has never had to do it on his own. I was frustrated because I don’t want anyone except Jakob to be dependent on me. I didn’t say much because I started thinking about another situation only a week before. It had been raining and the power went off in my apartment complex. It was completely dark and I was in no prepared. I had no lighter or flashlight and worst of all no phone. I was so scared and all I could think was “I wish Juan was here.” It was pretty darn pathetic and I hated myself for feeling like I needed him around. Point is this; it’s time to cut the cord. We don’t need to be so dependent on each other and to be honest I will never know what it’s like to do for myself if I always have him to bail me out. All that aside Juan and I just need to be apart and if something should happen and we get back together then that’s good and if not that’s good too. Either way I think this whole thing of putting myself on the backburner has gone way too far and I don’t think I can do it anymore. My career is just now blossoming and when I think about my college career and how much of it I put off for him, (Not that he made me it was just one of those being in love type things where you want to spend every waking hour with the person you love and you are willing to ditch class for it) I just realize I can’t do that with this. If I want to go anywhere I have to get there now! I can’t let anything or anyone hold me back. Especially when that anyone holds me down for reasons that he can control. Is this hard? Hell yeah, the hardest thing I will ever have to do. Will I regret it? Never. If there is anything I have learned is not to regret anything I do in my life. If I regret Juan, then I regret having my son and that is one thing I don’t regret doing. He is the reason why I am walking away now. I want him to know what being strong is about. He may not be faced with this type of decision in his future or maybe he will. Either way, he will know the strength and courage it takes to walk from something you know you don’t need but really really want.

FIN.

A freakin’ miracle + my life

So I don’t know if many of you all remember, I posted a journal entry of sheer frustration. My hard drive had crashed on me and I could not retrieve my work. Many people told me to take it somewhere to get my work out so I can back it up but it’s just too exensive. I would have to wait until the fall semester to get my work out, as I won’t have money until then.

So anyway, I captured things on my own time. It simply wasn’t enough because my wedding work on there I wanted to start working on my website and portfolio and I had nothing. I was stuck, at a complete stand still.

About a week ago my friend Chrystal asked me to upload some pictures on this digital frame she has for her son. For some reason the Mac she has wasn’t readin the program. So we had tried once before on my PC but still nothing. I told her I would work on it at a later time which is why she gave it to me again.

So there was that dreadful night working on that damned frame! It kept giving some really effed up message. So as I was looking on different forums for advice someone mentioned using a different USB cord. So as I was looking for one in my drawer I saw my hard drive and it further pissed me off. I took out of my desk and put it aside. Worked on the frame some more and gave up.

As I was about to give up my hard drive kept calling my name. I plugged it in to see what would happen and the thing worked! I was so happy and mad at the same time because all I could think about was how it had been sitting there this whole time. I immediately backed up my work and I was so ecstatic. 

To needless to say I was able to retrieve my work and I am back in the game! I mean I should not have relied solely on my hard drive to keep my work and I should have gone out to shoot more but with Jakob, I am loads busy! I dont hardly think of the the time to go shoot. But I have been motivated as of late and I plan on posting all my latest work along with continuing to publish some of the wedding work.

This fall I have a busy schedule if all goes well. Im doing an engagement shoot, a bridal  shoot, a family shoot, a graduate shoot, and maybe an engagement party shoot. I also have school and hopefully I can network with some more people so I can get this little business of mine going!

On other news I can’t seem to get this weightloss thing going and my relationship has ended. Id like to say it was mutual because it should have been. But sometimes people stay with each
other for so long because they are afraid for many reasons. That was me a long time ago and that is him now.

Times are awfully tough, I can’t deny it but with time it will heal and now I have my son to think about. It’s us against the world and believe me, I am gonna make a name for us!

 

Lost Much?

I just got up and did something

I finally decided the best thing to do is get up and stop talking smack and start some sort of work out. I didn’t care what I did; I just needed to be active for me. So today in the morning I packed my workout clothes and told myself I was going to do it. Lunch came around and I was out the door with no idea what to do. I figure walking would be good but I wanted something challenging, to get my heart rate going. So my workout consisted of walking, running, some hills and a whole lot of heavy breathing.

I never realized how hard working out can be. And to be honest after having Jakob my body is not the same. I mean obviously I grew in some places that I never imagined but also my body is just so different. I don’t know if it’s because of my weight or me sitting all day or both but I get up and my legs hurt. So now I try to get up and walk around as often because I really don’t want to be this immobile person when I get older. Let me tell you age creeps up on you fast and I really need the energy for the sake of my son. He deserves me and all my energy!

So I hope I can keep the momentum going if not for me then for my baby..I will most def keep everyone updated!

Tomorrow is not promised, neither is today apparently.

I meant to post this blog a while ago but time was not on my side. Considering the most recent events I think it’s appropriate.

Its 7:30 am and I realize I need to get out of bed and get on the road. I’ve been late to class everyday this semester and I felt like a jackass when my professor called me out on it. What’s worse is that I lied to her about it. I mean what could come of me saying “I’m a lazy person lately and I hit snooze 6 times before I got out of bed…” when she asked me what was up with my punctuality? No instead, as Dane Cook would put it, reached into my pocket and pulled out a lie not knowing that some day it could turn into a big nuggety cluster fuck. So back to it being 7:30 in the morning, I wake up in a rush trying to get on the road. When I do I get on the road and reach I-35 I see tons of traffic. It wasn’t until about Cesar Chavez that I realized I was not getting to class on time. Shortly thereafter I see a sign that says one of the exits was closed. A main exit at that and then I think “What fucken ass-hole thought it would be grand idea to close off a main exit in gridlock traffic?” As I near the exit that is closed I think I’m free but much to my surprise I was still at a complete stand still. The radio announcer says its 8:57. What?! I was stuck in traffic for nearly an hour and a half and I was nowhere near school. I’m sitting in my car cursing at the traffic gods because I just wanted to move. As I approach closer to I see cops and realize there was an accident and it was more than just an exit being close. As I got closer my anger towards the traffic was turned to the rubber-neckers wanting to catch a glimpse. As I approached the scene one of the car’s involved could be better seen. It was un-recognizable, no longer a car. It completely smashed in from the front and to be honest it didn’t look like the driver or anyone else in that car made it. I don’t really know and I can only hope that everyone was okay. As I sped up to get to class I couldn’t help but to feel so horrible. I was upset for being stuck traffic and late to class. Meanwhile, someone could have possible lost a loved one. It made me think of the saying, “Tomorrow isn’t promised”, but at 9am in the morning it was safe to say “Tomorrow isn’t promised, neither is today.”

As corny as it seems, I think it’s important to make sure you tell everyone you see before you leave for the day how much you love them. Not in a morbid I-know-I’m-gonna-die sorta way but just say it and mean it. I don’t know the ultimate outcome of that wreck but it didn’t look pretty and even though I didn’t know the people involved I felt a lump in my throat and I wanted to cry.  Dying is a part of life and when it’s your time then make your peace and have a safe journey. But too often lives are cut short because of an accident or rushing to get somewhere even. This week, hell this month, has been a crazy one. Some of my boyfriend’s family member’s passed away and I can imagine it’s been hard for everyone. Someone told me that people die in three’s and until this month and even more weird this week alone I really didn’t believe it. I’m sure a majority of you have heard about Ed McMahon, Farrah Fawcett, and Michael Jackson.  The funny thing is I wrote something really fucked up about Michael Jackson on Twitter, I didn’t think the guy was going to die. Anyway, I hope the best for these celebrities’ families and as for my family they will most def be in my prayers.